Sunday, April 8, 2007

who should coach Team India?

who should coach Team India?

Going by all the recent teeth gnashing, breast beating, nail biting, and feet stomping over cricket, I believe the question has a far greater impact in terms of national interest, national security, per capita income (cricketers’ per capita income, that is) and something I call NSE, or National Sanity & Equilibrium. I, therefore, present a list of those who must be considered (not in any particular order of preference, I may add) for the post . . .

Nana Patekar: He is free.And his hot temper may help Indian team. Also his unpredictable nature also suited with Indian team.

Shilpa Shetty: Clearly unemployed and therefore available. This is one lass who has made a profession of turning her inherent disadvantages into advantages — extremely lucrative ones at that. Just what Team India — which has a rich repository of disadvantages — requires at the moment.

Kapil Dev: It’s not just that the man at least won a World Cup for India, there can be no beating the ultimate argument: Kapil da jawab nahin.

Amitabh Bachchan: If he can sell Mulayam Singh Yadav’s government, he can sell anything — including, hopefully, the idea that Team India are inherently world-beaters who happened to find themselves slightly out of form when confronted with the formidable challenge of Bangladesh.

K.P.S.Gill:His Indian Hocky management skill will help us.The way he degraded our hocky team was example in the world.

Sachin Tendulkar & Sourav Ganguly: Get them to coach Team India together. They will bring fresh experience to the job and that will also solve the dilemma of what Team India should do with its big guns firing only intermittently.

J. Jayalalithaa: Don’t dismiss this suggestion out of hand. The lady has proved that she may be down but never out (just what Team India needs to realise). Going by the general strike rate, chances are that you will soon get your turn to bat. Just sit out till the next game, seriya-tavara?

Sunil Gavaskar: Because, well, Sunny Days — who doesn’t need them? Besides his own considerable talent with the bat, he has just displayed his ability to out-sledge the Australians — googly for googly — and that’s a start, I would say.

Lalu Prasad Yadav: He brings experience as president of the Bihar Cricket Association and has the potential to bring the standards of Indian cricket on a par with those of Bihar cricket. Jab tak rahega samosa mein alu, tab tak Indian cricket mein rahega Lalu, and all that!

U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon: Because dealing with the different personalities and forces that make up Team India would demand great diplomacy and negotiating skills. Frankly, bringing peace to Sudan and Somalia would appear a cakewalk in comparison.

Friday, April 6, 2007

For all Cricket Lovers! Sachin & Sourav!

Sachin Tendulkar and Sourav Ganguly, now pretty old guys, 75 and 76 years old, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking aboutcricket,like they do every day.

Sachin turns to Sourav and says, "Do you think there's cricket in heaven?"

Ganguly thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal: ! if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's cricket in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."

They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Sachin passes on.

One day soon afterward, Ganguly is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sourav...Sourav!"

Ganguly responds, "Sachin! Is that you?"

"Yes it is, Sourav," whispers Sachin's ghost.

Ganguly, still amazed, asks, "So, is there cricket in heaven?"

"Well," says Sachin, "I've got good news and bad news."

"Gimme the good news first," says Ganguly.

Sachin says, "Well... there is cricket in heaven."

Ganguly says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?"

Sachin sighs and whispers, "You are going to open the innings this Friday."